Astrologers tell me that the crap you want to leave behind in life comes up in your face right before your birthday, and if that's the case, I must be getting ready for something BIG. Never did I think I'd be excited to turn 50.
Fears are up, stress is off the charts, and I'm left feeling as though it's time to throw in the towel. Embarrassingly enough, my life lately has been devoid of hope.
I teach women how to clear the slate on their lives so they can be happy and live the life they were meant to live versus the life they were told they would live, yet here I am sitting in my own crap. The kind of crap that wakes you up in the middle of the night and keeps you staring at a ceiling you can't even see in the dark.
Randomly, I found myself sitting in a Catholic church over the weekend for a dear friend's baby christening. It was the first time I'd set foot in a church in 24 years. For me, nature is my church, and I'd be lying if I denied that the thought of the ceiling shaking and the candles ceasing didn't cross my mind as I crossed that Catholic threshold. You see, I hear God in the cry of the hawk and let my prayers catch on the wind as I sit on the earth and say them.
Surprisingly, the young priest made me laugh and made me think. I sifted through the crap he said about our damnation and grabbed his message about trust as though it were a precious pearl cast upon me out of nowhere.
And it left me thinking, and then thinking some more.
I don't trust.
I plot. I scheme, I plan ahead, and I strategize.
We all do these things because we were taught to take control and make things happen. We were taught to plan ahead, get things scheduled, figure it all out, and leave nothing to chance. We were taught that chance is the enemy.
What I realize as the painful Ides of March descend upon us is this: we are being called to trust. We're being called to lay down our planners, lay down our goal lists and for once in our organized, can do, make it happen sort of life – TRUST.
And it's not easy. It feels like horseshit and it feels like a major cop-out.
But the truth is, there's only so much we can do in life. Over time, there's no way to sustain the level of energy needed to take care of everything. Eventually, we have to drop one end of the rope and trust that someone or something will take up the slack for us.
There's no doubt in my mind that the Ides of March are upon us. According to ancient teachings (and Wikipedia) The ritual of the Ides of March may have been a new year festival representing the expulsion of the old year. This means something is dying so something else can birth.
If you ask me, it's messy as hell. Letting go, letting something die and trusting that something will rebirth is advanced level living. It's not for the faint of heart.
So, I'm walking my talk- saying my gratitude's, getting exercise and trusting…..trusting, trusting, trusting. (excuse me God, Universe, Higher self, can you hear me?)
So if you're right there with me, consider this a virtual hand hold. We can DO this.
Please let go a little.
Let one hand let go of the task of holding your life together, and instead, hold the hell on to your trust.
The alternative is the crazy-making, control freak, unsustainable life that we've all been trying to live, and let me tell you, it's unliveable.
Want to live the life you were meant to live? Hold on to your trust.